I haven’t been writing anything lately. My brain is too full and too empty. I have nothing to write about and everything to write about. I’m caught between two thoughts – “I must write” and “How could I possibly write now?” I understand the feeling people have when they say they’re feeling unmoored. I am, as they say, adrift.
There has been so much change and so little time to reflect. And more change is coming, so perhaps it’s time for me to find time to think before I get dragged under by another riptide of upheaval in our lives.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s all good change – we have a baby on the way, we just moved into a new home, we’re vaccinated, our son is going back to daycare. All good things that I still have so many emotions about. That I also feel nothing about – well, not nothing. But more anxiety than I thought I would, so it feels like a big, dark cloud that is covering what should be a brightly shining sun, finally coming into view.
So that’s why I haven’t been writing, because it feels like pulling a thread on a sweater, and if I tug too hard, it will unravel and leave me naked. And after an unimaginable year – for everyone – I’m just not ready to get out of my cozy clothes.
I love writing. I love getting the words, the stories, the thoughts out. I love writing the things that I wish I could have read at a different time in my life, that I could have related to, that would have made me feel more understood and less alone. I love working out the tangled ideas in my head and putting them down in a coherent way on paper.
But I don’t really have a niche. I don’t have one thing I like writing about a ton, and every time I try to narrow it down, I start feeling claustrophobic. I feel scattered, even though I know what I want to say when I sit down at my computer. I’m a mom, but I’m not a mom blogger. I like clothes and beauty but I’m not a lifestyle blogger. And I don’t feel like an expert in anything – I couldn’t tell you how to become a PR pro or how to organize your life or even how to write a blog post. The only thing I have become an expert at is abruptly changing my mind about the direction of my life, and somehow sticking the landing, even if it’s really ugly. Though I can’t tell you how I do it, so maybe I’m not an expert, and it’s just privilege and luck.
Anyway, I’m struggling to find my niche and to establish my “personal brand” as a writer, because, honestly, I’m a dabbler. I have a lot of random interests, and I like to talk about a lot of different things with different people. With some friends I talk about skincare, with others I talk about books, and with others I talk about mental health. And with strangers on the internet, I talk about pretty much everything.
So if you have a niche, how’d you find it? How did you decide that you were an X writer or blogger? Share your secrets!